A McDonald’s employee is now under arrest after he admitted to “ejaculating” in several hundred batches of the companies famed ‘secret sauce’ since 2014. Evan Thomas, 26, had been an “outstanding employee, receiving employee of the month 5 times” according to the manager and coworkers at the Los Angeles, California location. The fact that this happened was a shock to everybody at the restaurant, including the thousands of customers who may have consumed Thomas’ semen.
When the community was made aware that the Big Mac sauce may have been contaminated, several loyal customers stepped forward. “I’ve been eating at this McDonald’s since I was a kid,” said Lily Rodriguez. “I get a Big Mac at least 3 times per week and Thomas was always so nice. He asked me out a couple times and I almost said yes. I’m so glad I never went out with that freak. To think I’ve been eating his semen… oh my God I think I’m gonna puke.”
“I’ve eaten Big Macs at other locations but I’d always come back to this one,” said Luis Gonzales, another McDonald’s customer. “I don’t know… I thought the Big Macs here just had a special ‘zing’ that I just couldn’t put my finger on. But now that I know I’ve been eating some dudes jizz, I’m gonna find him and crack that punk in his head.”